um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
