Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
