I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need water and some morals
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
