Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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