shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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