waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
