Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
