I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
