Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
