It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
