he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
