miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
