My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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