So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
