Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
