What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
