White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
