That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
