from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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