I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
