Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
