Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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