so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
