Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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