i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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