Im at strip club and am horny
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And then he peed in my hair
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