it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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