Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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