There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
