hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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