is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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