these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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