Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
