y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
