I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
