Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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