He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my liver is dry heaving
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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