Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
