TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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