She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
