i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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