we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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