my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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