Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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