the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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