So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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