Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
