thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
