Already got asked if we're dating
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
