shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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