Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
