dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
