Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
