i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
