why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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