No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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