Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
50% drunk capacity currently
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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