dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
