I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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