I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
