saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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