I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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