We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
