i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
