Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize