i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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