You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
