Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
