omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They have beer where we have blood.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
