the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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