just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
