Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
