I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
