dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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