she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
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