Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize