Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
