yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
