I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
